It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
