The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
