Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
