its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
