My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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