Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
not ubering you a puppy
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