yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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