non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize