A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
