plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
