One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
