I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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