theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
