guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize