I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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