He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
