Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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