I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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