Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
