Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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