I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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