At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Welp...herpes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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