im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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