the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
