So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
