Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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