The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
