those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
