at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
