why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
