I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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