we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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