I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
