If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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