I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize