He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
