We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize