He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
