I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize