Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
