Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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