he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
