He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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