My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
