member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
