he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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