here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
