you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
