I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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