dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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