stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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