i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize