I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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