i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
