Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
