Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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