hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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