and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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