He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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