i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
