um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm always down for nudity.
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