I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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