Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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