Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
