i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
