Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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