Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
