Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
