You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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