Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
