fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
