I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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