I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize