It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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