mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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