I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize