i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
