i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
