alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
