some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
