Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
