i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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